Surgery went well

Thank you all for you prayers. Surgery went well. In a nutshell, Dr. Hilgers did a laparoscopy and found that, indeed, the ovaries were polycystic (3 times their normal size), that there was some endometriosis, there was an adhesion of the left fallopian tube to the left ovary and
there were signs of chronic uterine infection. He got some great pictures and it was amazing to see them when we met the next day. (One of the pictures came out so well that he thinks he'll use it in a future presentation. Sort of cool that my innerds might make a presentation, sort of sad that they are "textbook" enough in a bad way to do so.)

Anyway, following the lap, he then did a bilateral ovarian wedge resection, and got rid of the endometriosis and the adhesion and the uterine "blisters"...all using robotic assist (Da Vinci). The entire surgery took about four hours and I have six inscisions to show for it as well as feeling like someone repeatedly punched me in the gut. Going into surgery I hadn't been too sure how I felt about having the surgery done via robotic assist, but in the end it came down to me completely trusting Dr. Higlers. If I understand correctly, I was only the third patient Dr. Hilgers has done surgery on with Da Vinci...but he was VERY pleased with the results. He was giddy like a little boy with a new toy at what he was able to accomplish. He feels that all went well and that we got some good answers and results to issues that have been causing me pain and have been, at least in part, the source of our infertility.

The best part of Da Vinci for me, is that my recovery time will be much shorter than the wedge in 2009. Instead of 4-6 weeks, I could be back up and running in 2-3 weeks. After surgery, I spent the night in the hopsital and was then released the following morning. Since then I have been recovering at the Homewood Suites with Dave, the Little Man and my parents. Things are going well, but recovery still is taking its time. Perhaps the hardest part for me right now is not the physical pain, but the emotional pain at seeing my Little Man so upset. All he wants is for me to hold him, to pick him up, to hug him...and I can't. He just doesn't understand. We have figured out a way that he can be put on my lap for some snuggles, but it's still not the same. He toddles up to me and puts his arms up for a hug, and I can't pick him up. We have to wait for someone to bring him to me and then if he wiggles too much (or kicks my stomach like he did earlier) he has to be taken away and of course this causes more crying.

So I guess, at this point, my biggest prayer request is for my Little Man, the God will comfort him and help him to understand that Mommy still loves him and isn't trying to be distant. Also, for my hubby and parents that they would be given the strength, grace and patience to continue attending to me, and Little Man and still have their wits about them. I know it's not easy.

Thank you to the many people have have posted, texted and called. We greatly appreciate your help.

God bless you,
Suzy

Out of Surgery

Hi everyone, this is the husband speaking...

My wife is out of surgery......and all appears well.

I met briefly with Dr. Hilgers following the surgery and his reassuring smile as he entered the waiting room was very welcome. He indicated the following:

- Everything was able to be done robotically (via Da Vinci: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Da_Vinci_Surgical_System)

- Her ovaries had been poly cystic (again). He performed a wedge-resection on both ovaries to repair this.

- She had an adhesion of her left fallopian tube to her left ovary (presumably from the previous surgery). For those who don't know what that means, basically it means that the fallopian tube had adhered to her ovary. In surgery, Dr. Hilgers was able to remove the adhesion and correct the problem.

- Unlike last surgery, Suzy's fallopian tubes were not blocked (this is a good thing).

- Dr. Hilgers did not mention seeing any endometriosis either (also a good thing). Though, to be honest, I forgot to ask about it. However, I have every confidence he would have mentioned it if they had needed to remove any endometriosis.

She's currently in recovery and I won't be able to see her for another 2 hours or so. Because everything was able to be done Da Vinci, she should be released tomorrow. Most people who have operations via Da Vinci are released same-day, but because Hilgers has done so few robotically, they want to monitor her a little longer than normal. But, if all is well (and there's no reason to believe it won't be) tonight and tomorrow, she'll be released tomorrow morning. Recovery time is generally reduced, but we'll not worry about recovery until she says she's recovered.

Thank you for your prayers and please keep them coming!

A long overdue update - surgery today

Well, again...it's been too long.

What started out as me taking a break from blogging so as not to focus on the cross of infertility in my life, turned out to be a break so long that I felt to far behind to "catch up" and start writing again. But tomorrow (today, actually, as it's so late) is a big day and as I promised friends and family that I would update here...I figure I'd better throw in at least a little update.

First...the news of the day....today I am headed to Creighton University Medical Center for surgery with Dr. Hilgers. Please keep us both in your prayers. We are doing a laparoscopy first and then a possible ovarian wedge resection, and anything else like cleaning out fallopian tubes, removing the endometriosis, getting ride of adheasions, scar tissues, etc. This is pretty much the same thing that I had done back July 2009, however ultrasounds and bloodtests are showing that my ovaries are again polycystic (those darned suckers).

So anyway, I find myself sitting in Omaha, looking forward to surgery tomorrow. Just pray that my husband has the grace and strength to single-parent our son for the next weeks during my recovery.

Yes, you read correctly...our son.

For those of you who know me only through blogging, I apologize that this is going to come out of left field possibly. But yes, we are in the process of adopting our wonderful Little Man. Long story short, in January I finally gave in to the Lord and told Him that, yes, I would answer His call on my heart to be a foster parent (but that He would have to convince my husband). The next day we first heard about the Little Man, February was spent getting licensed as Foster Parents, March we were licensed, May his parental-rights were terminated and June 1st he moved in. He will turn 1 year old next week and is the true joy of our lives. But more on that another time. I promise during recovery to write about the journey to becoming foster parents, what we have learned spiritually, as well as writing about how we still feel the pain of infertility even though the childlessness is gone. But that is all for another time.

Now....now, it's time to get to bed. As we head to the hospital in just 6 hours and I probably should get some sleep.

Friends and family wanting to know how things are going can check back here for updates. Thank you in advance for your prayers!

On the lively hope of seeing my dreams fulfilled

For those of us still awaiting the conception, pregnancy and birth of the child who is flesh of our flesh, I found this quote beautiful and comforting. Praying for you all!

‎"I am oppressed by the uncertainty of my future, but I cherish the lively hope of seeing my dreams fulfilled because the Lord can not place thoughts and desires in a person's soul if He does not really intend to fulfill them, to gratify these longings which He alone has caused."
~ St. Padre Pio

When all means fail...

Protestant pastor David Wilkerson died suddenly yesterday. Although I wasn't a follower of his, nor am I familiar with his teachings or writings, but I have been very touched by the final blog post he shared with the world. Not even yet knowing that he would meet Our Lord that very day, these were the thoughts at the forefront of his mind, most pressing on his heart. His words have touched me deeply. As each of us continues to travel through the valley of shadows in our own life, may each of us choose to believe...for His love prevails.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2011

WHEN ALL MEANS FAIL

Reverend David Wilkerson

To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

Blessings!

It's been months (almost three) since I've written. Life has been busy and God has been outpouring His blessings upon us daily. Somedays these blessings come in the form of joy and happiness...other days they come in the form of yet another mile along this way of the cross, and suffering that draws us closer to Him. My husband and I are realizing more and more the blessings that God gives us in each day...and that we are incredibly blessed...even in our barrenness. Sometimes the blessings come through raindrops, sometimes the healing comes through tears, sometimes the trails of this life are mercies in disguise.

That's why today, when I ran across this song "Blessings" by Laura Story, I knew I had to share. I pray that "Blessings" blesses you as it did me.

Laura Story shares the story behind the song...


Listen to "Blessings"