Just a thought for our day. I think often in this journey through infertility we are so focused on what we can't do (conceive and carry a child to term)...we lose track of what we can do. So many things are out of our control, but there are even more that we do have the ability to change/accomplish. My challenge to myself and to anyone interested. Make a list of the things you CAN do. Foster a spirit of gratitude. Thank God for the blessings He has given you. Change the world as a witness to His merciful love!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Gianna Center Outreach - June 17th
Anyone in the NYC area????
I just got this email from Dr. Mielnik and wanted to pass this on in case any of you were able to make it. If you do go, please let me know how it is!
~ ~ ~
Hello Everyone,
Thursday, June 17, we will hold the first of what will become a monthly outreach for couples struggling with infertility and recurrent miscarriage.
The evening will include Adoration, Confession, Mass & Catholic support group for couples struggling with infertility, as well as a presentation on the NaProTechnology approach to treating infertility for couples seeking more information about this alternative.
Mass will be held at St. Catherine of Sienna Parish, 411 East 68th Street, New York, NY. The event begins at 6 pm.
Schedule of Events
6:00 pm Adoration and Confession in the Main Church
6:25 pm Litany and Prayer to Saint Gianna Beretta Molla
6:35 pm Mass
7:15 pm Support Group in Conference Room 1
6:25 pm Litany and Prayer to Saint Gianna Beretta Molla
6:35 pm Mass
7:15 pm Support Group in Conference Room 1
OR
7:15 pm The NaProTechnology Approach to Treating Infertility: Presentation by Dr. Mielnik in Conference Room 2
Please share this information with your contacts and anyone struggling with a diagnosis of infertility or recurrent miscarriage.
Thanks and God bless.
Sincerely,
Thanks and God bless.
Sincerely,
Anne Mielnik, MD
Friday, April 30, 2010
Doctors of Gianna Center talk with Fr. Benedict Groeschel
Don't miss Dr. Anne Mielnik and Dr. Kyle Beiter (The Gianna Center, Manhattan) on Sunday Night Live with Fr. Benedict Groeschel this Sunday, May 2 at 7 pm.
Please say a prayer for them as they discuss the need for renewal in Catholic healthcare and the challenges facing Catholic healthcare providers in America today.
Please say a prayer for them as they discuss the need for renewal in Catholic healthcare and the challenges facing Catholic healthcare providers in America today.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Let us hold unwaveringly...
Let us hold unwaveringly to our confession that gives us hope, for he who made the promise is trustworthy.
~ Hebrews 10:23
~ Hebrews 10:23
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Lord Gives and He Takes Away. Blessed be His Name
Father, we abandon ourselves into your hands, to send a child ... or not ... as you see fit. You by whom the Word was made flesh, send us a miracle, if this is what you desire. Or lead us to her/him, if that be your will. We do not ask for guarantees; no parent can. Only light enough for the very next step. We do not ask for a perfect child, nor can we promise to be perfect parents. Whatever you choose for us, whatever you desire we abandon ourselves to your perfect will. We are ready to offer our daily "yes," until that perfect will be revealed in us. And until, at last perfected, we bear witness to the work of redemption you began in Eden. We love you, Lord, and offer ourselves to you, wholly and without reservation. We surrender ourselves, moment by moment, knowing that this is only the first small step of a lifetime of surrender, so that we may be made more perfect in love. That we might imitate, on earth as in heaven, the redemptive love, the adoptive love, the selfless love, with which you first loved us.
- Author Unknown
Since the day that we were notified about the baby/babies over a month ago (March 15), we have prayed this prayer. It has been a beautiful gift to us (courtesy of Hannah's Tears) as we surrender our hopes and dreams to Our Lord. To give our daily "fiat", our "yes" to whatever lies ahead. In the past weeks our lives have changed so much. Most everything revolved around the baby/babies and meeting the birthmother (scheduled for Sunday, April 18th). Suddenly our priorities had shifted. Out went the plans for home renovation, saving for the adoption costs was more important. Travel plans were altered, as we would need to be home with the little one(s) at that time. Seeing couples with babies was no longer a painful experience, but one rather of forshadowing and our excitement grew. We found that are hearts were growing bigger, to expand to fit the little one(s) growing in the womb of the birthmother. While it was her womb that was expanding, our hearts were keeping step. I even got online to get updates on what "my baby" was doing at this week in pregnancy (a somewhat bittersweet experience I have to say, as it was not really "my baby" yet, not was it my womb). I breathed in wonder as I learned the little one was the size of a grape, could respond to light, then grew to be the size of an avocado....no wonder my heart hurt, it was expanding rapidly. And I also learned that during this week I "could expect to gain five pounds and be more tired." That made me laugh...yes, I probably had gained five pounds and I was a bit more sleepy, but I think it had more to do with the gluttoneous eating of the Octave of Easter and less to do with a baby in someone else's womb. Nonetheless, our lives were changing rapidly and for a moment I got a first-hand glimpse of what it means to be "on the other side." No our infertility was not lifted, but for four beautiful wonderful weeks we had the hope of a little one coming into our lives.
All of that ended Wednesday.
Late Wednesday, we received word that our birthmother has changed her mind and would not be going through with the adoption. Dave and I knew all along that this was a possibility, but she had seemed very confident in the communications we had exchanged and so we had decided to start sharing the news with our family, friends, etc. We are, of course, saddened, but are trusting in God's plan. From the very beginning we said that if we were just "here" to support the birthmother for this stretch of her journey and to support her and let her know she had options, then that would be okay. Of course it would be hard and we would be sad, but it would be okay.Of course we are sad, but we do have peace about the way things have turned out. It's hard, but we trust.
The last few days have been quite difficult as we experience this miscarriage of the heart and begin the grieving process for the baby/babies we never knew. I didn't cry for the first day. I was away on business and had seven hours to think about it on my own before I could tell Dave the news. By the time I got home, it was late, I told him, we took a few deep breathes and went to bed. I still hadn't cried. It was only Thursday morning, when I woke up that the tears came...and they came...and they came. They just wouldn't stop. It wasn't the utter despair that I know all too well from the infertility journey, but rather it was an incredible sadness. A true and powerful surrender to God...of letting go of my plans and accepting His. At first I felt guitly for crying, as if this somehow proved that I did not trust Him or accept His will in this, but through prayer, I realized this was not the case. It was okay to cry. Tears were good...they were holy...a letting go....a trustful surrender to God in and of themselves. We know that we will both grieve and recover at different times and in different ways and we thank you for your prayers. Please also continue to pray for the birthmother and the baby/babies that we have grown to love. We continue to keep hope and trust that Our loving Savior has something beautiful in mind for us and our family. We know it. We trust it.
Today has already been better. We are at peace. This little one/these little ones, will always have a special place in our hearts, but we can move forward knowing that God is in control, and this is just as He has planned it. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be His name.
God bless you.
Blessed Be His Name
(Tree 63)
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord,
Blessed be your name
- Author Unknown
Since the day that we were notified about the baby/babies over a month ago (March 15), we have prayed this prayer. It has been a beautiful gift to us (courtesy of Hannah's Tears) as we surrender our hopes and dreams to Our Lord. To give our daily "fiat", our "yes" to whatever lies ahead. In the past weeks our lives have changed so much. Most everything revolved around the baby/babies and meeting the birthmother (scheduled for Sunday, April 18th). Suddenly our priorities had shifted. Out went the plans for home renovation, saving for the adoption costs was more important. Travel plans were altered, as we would need to be home with the little one(s) at that time. Seeing couples with babies was no longer a painful experience, but one rather of forshadowing and our excitement grew. We found that are hearts were growing bigger, to expand to fit the little one(s) growing in the womb of the birthmother. While it was her womb that was expanding, our hearts were keeping step. I even got online to get updates on what "my baby" was doing at this week in pregnancy (a somewhat bittersweet experience I have to say, as it was not really "my baby" yet, not was it my womb). I breathed in wonder as I learned the little one was the size of a grape, could respond to light, then grew to be the size of an avocado....no wonder my heart hurt, it was expanding rapidly. And I also learned that during this week I "could expect to gain five pounds and be more tired." That made me laugh...yes, I probably had gained five pounds and I was a bit more sleepy, but I think it had more to do with the gluttoneous eating of the Octave of Easter and less to do with a baby in someone else's womb. Nonetheless, our lives were changing rapidly and for a moment I got a first-hand glimpse of what it means to be "on the other side." No our infertility was not lifted, but for four beautiful wonderful weeks we had the hope of a little one coming into our lives.
All of that ended Wednesday.
Late Wednesday, we received word that our birthmother has changed her mind and would not be going through with the adoption. Dave and I knew all along that this was a possibility, but she had seemed very confident in the communications we had exchanged and so we had decided to start sharing the news with our family, friends, etc. We are, of course, saddened, but are trusting in God's plan. From the very beginning we said that if we were just "here" to support the birthmother for this stretch of her journey and to support her and let her know she had options, then that would be okay. Of course it would be hard and we would be sad, but it would be okay.Of course we are sad, but we do have peace about the way things have turned out. It's hard, but we trust.
The last few days have been quite difficult as we experience this miscarriage of the heart and begin the grieving process for the baby/babies we never knew. I didn't cry for the first day. I was away on business and had seven hours to think about it on my own before I could tell Dave the news. By the time I got home, it was late, I told him, we took a few deep breathes and went to bed. I still hadn't cried. It was only Thursday morning, when I woke up that the tears came...and they came...and they came. They just wouldn't stop. It wasn't the utter despair that I know all too well from the infertility journey, but rather it was an incredible sadness. A true and powerful surrender to God...of letting go of my plans and accepting His. At first I felt guitly for crying, as if this somehow proved that I did not trust Him or accept His will in this, but through prayer, I realized this was not the case. It was okay to cry. Tears were good...they were holy...a letting go....a trustful surrender to God in and of themselves. We know that we will both grieve and recover at different times and in different ways and we thank you for your prayers. Please also continue to pray for the birthmother and the baby/babies that we have grown to love. We continue to keep hope and trust that Our loving Savior has something beautiful in mind for us and our family. We know it. We trust it.
Today has already been better. We are at peace. This little one/these little ones, will always have a special place in our hearts, but we can move forward knowing that God is in control, and this is just as He has planned it. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be His name.
God bless you.
Blessed Be His Name
(Tree 63)
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord,
Blessed be your name
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Just what the doctor ordered
(continued from yesterday...)
The next few weeks were a time of joy and hope. Our hearts had conceived and were growing to love this baby/babies already. This was also when we went on vacation and finally, for the first time since our honeymoon, had time for just the two of us. Our friend's parents graciously let us stay with them in their home near the beach in North Carolina, and it was just what the doctor ordered. A time to get away from it all. I turned off my phone and stayed off of email the entire week. It was heaven. During that time Dave and I got to just enjoy each other. Time at the beach reading Two Towers to eachother, time to explore the area, sleep in and time just to be present to eachother. It was just a lovely time.
I hadn't realized how much the strain of infertility had caused me to overlook the gift I have in my husband. While on vacation I also read Dr. Greg Popcak's recent book "Holy Sex! A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving." When they say that this book is like St. Thomas Acquinas meets Dr. Ruth...they aren't kidding. I couldn't believe all that was included in this book. Everything from the meaning of sex and the scripture tradition of it, to an entire chapter on positions and how to orchestrate them according to the stages of a woman's cycle (Pre-Peak, Peak, Post-Peak) so as to experience the greatest intimacy and pleasure. I mean seriously!!! Someone has written on how to time the sexual encounter to correspond with a woman's fertility cycle to achieve maximum intimacy and pleasure? You have to be kidding me! This was Natural Family Planning at it's finest hour! :) :) :) But it wasn't the Christian Kamasutra aspects that affected me most, rather it was the focus on the intimacy and bonding that comes with a proper understanding of non-contracepting sex within marriage. Seriously, you have to read this book! Even if you think you won't agree with it, read it. Then let's talk. I think you just might be suprised. I know it will change your life in some way.
For me, my life was changed in that I realized that the desire for a baby was blinding me to the gift of Dave and was creating an impediment to marital intimacy (emotionally, psychologically, etc). Just as contraception rejects the life-giving love of sex, objectifies the spouse and says to the spouse, "I love all of you, but not your fertility," so equally does the neverending attempt to conceive run the risk of using the spouse as an object just the same. In this case, one runs the risk of objectifying the spouse as a means to getting what you want...a baby. The unitive aspects and authentic intimacy are marginalized...and many times couples fall into the trap of qualifying their relations as "successful" or "non-succesful" based on whether or not they conceive. Whoa! Stop the presses. This is just as much objectification as contraception in my opinion. You are still using the spouse for your own selfish pleasure. You may not intend to (just as most couples contracepting don't realize the ways they are objectifying their spouse), but you still are...even if it is mutual objectification. Ouch. I think this is one of the most hidden side-effects of infertility. If you think couples aren't talking about their infertility in the first place, try getting them to talk about how it affects their sexual life with their spouse. Nope...nada. Not going to get it. Not going to go "there." But oh well, I just went "there." I think it needs to be discussed and I have no problem doing it. Anyway, I have a feeling that many of you reading this know exactly what I mean.
Yes, "Holy Sex!" hit home in so many ways, and I believe it has already made me a better wife. I'm not just talking about passion and physical things (no, not even I am going to go "there"), but I mean in the self-donative, looking-to-serve and bring-out-the-best-in-the-other type of way. Even if I am not willing or able to meet all of Dave's needs (spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, etc), I certainly am more aware of them. Thank you Dr. Popcak for reminding me that the success of marriage and of sex does not depend on conception. I needed the wake-up.
Other than the profound affect my reading had upon me, it was just wonderful to get away from the stress of life. To sleep in as late as we wanted. Not to hurry anywhere. Not to feel torn in a million different directions. Not to always feel late and harried. Not to be strung out. I had time to take care of me. To attend to my needs and in doing so, learned to recognize things that my body has probably been trying to tell me for years. I need a break.
This is the same thing Dr. Parker had said in late February. He said I needed to destress and simplify life. Vacation gave me a chance to do that and to reflect on how I could continue to do it once I returned home. The result? One of the most beautiful months of charting we've ever seen. I can actually see a tangible difference in my cycle with the decrease in stress. Now, I'm not saying, destress and you'll conceive...but I certainly can see first-hand now, how stress is most likely playing a factor in our infertility. This has inspired me to do better. Just seeing the improvement has been a boost. And today Dr. Parker called and said that my Peak + 7 levels looked pretty good and it showed that I had ovulated. That is now three cycles of ovulation since last July. I never thought I'd say this, but "Yippee!" It's amazing what a bit of rest and "Holy Sex!" can do....just what the doctor ordered.
The next few weeks were a time of joy and hope. Our hearts had conceived and were growing to love this baby/babies already. This was also when we went on vacation and finally, for the first time since our honeymoon, had time for just the two of us. Our friend's parents graciously let us stay with them in their home near the beach in North Carolina, and it was just what the doctor ordered. A time to get away from it all. I turned off my phone and stayed off of email the entire week. It was heaven. During that time Dave and I got to just enjoy each other. Time at the beach reading Two Towers to eachother, time to explore the area, sleep in and time just to be present to eachother. It was just a lovely time.
I hadn't realized how much the strain of infertility had caused me to overlook the gift I have in my husband. While on vacation I also read Dr. Greg Popcak's recent book "Holy Sex! A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving." When they say that this book is like St. Thomas Acquinas meets Dr. Ruth...they aren't kidding. I couldn't believe all that was included in this book. Everything from the meaning of sex and the scripture tradition of it, to an entire chapter on positions and how to orchestrate them according to the stages of a woman's cycle (Pre-Peak, Peak, Post-Peak) so as to experience the greatest intimacy and pleasure. I mean seriously!!! Someone has written on how to time the sexual encounter to correspond with a woman's fertility cycle to achieve maximum intimacy and pleasure? You have to be kidding me! This was Natural Family Planning at it's finest hour! :) :) :) But it wasn't the Christian Kamasutra aspects that affected me most, rather it was the focus on the intimacy and bonding that comes with a proper understanding of non-contracepting sex within marriage. Seriously, you have to read this book! Even if you think you won't agree with it, read it. Then let's talk. I think you just might be suprised. I know it will change your life in some way.
For me, my life was changed in that I realized that the desire for a baby was blinding me to the gift of Dave and was creating an impediment to marital intimacy (emotionally, psychologically, etc). Just as contraception rejects the life-giving love of sex, objectifies the spouse and says to the spouse, "I love all of you, but not your fertility," so equally does the neverending attempt to conceive run the risk of using the spouse as an object just the same. In this case, one runs the risk of objectifying the spouse as a means to getting what you want...a baby. The unitive aspects and authentic intimacy are marginalized...and many times couples fall into the trap of qualifying their relations as "successful" or "non-succesful" based on whether or not they conceive. Whoa! Stop the presses. This is just as much objectification as contraception in my opinion. You are still using the spouse for your own selfish pleasure. You may not intend to (just as most couples contracepting don't realize the ways they are objectifying their spouse), but you still are...even if it is mutual objectification. Ouch. I think this is one of the most hidden side-effects of infertility. If you think couples aren't talking about their infertility in the first place, try getting them to talk about how it affects their sexual life with their spouse. Nope...nada. Not going to get it. Not going to go "there." But oh well, I just went "there." I think it needs to be discussed and I have no problem doing it. Anyway, I have a feeling that many of you reading this know exactly what I mean.
Yes, "Holy Sex!" hit home in so many ways, and I believe it has already made me a better wife. I'm not just talking about passion and physical things (no, not even I am going to go "there"), but I mean in the self-donative, looking-to-serve and bring-out-the-best-in-the-other type of way. Even if I am not willing or able to meet all of Dave's needs (spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, etc), I certainly am more aware of them. Thank you Dr. Popcak for reminding me that the success of marriage and of sex does not depend on conception. I needed the wake-up.
Other than the profound affect my reading had upon me, it was just wonderful to get away from the stress of life. To sleep in as late as we wanted. Not to hurry anywhere. Not to feel torn in a million different directions. Not to always feel late and harried. Not to be strung out. I had time to take care of me. To attend to my needs and in doing so, learned to recognize things that my body has probably been trying to tell me for years. I need a break.
This is the same thing Dr. Parker had said in late February. He said I needed to destress and simplify life. Vacation gave me a chance to do that and to reflect on how I could continue to do it once I returned home. The result? One of the most beautiful months of charting we've ever seen. I can actually see a tangible difference in my cycle with the decrease in stress. Now, I'm not saying, destress and you'll conceive...but I certainly can see first-hand now, how stress is most likely playing a factor in our infertility. This has inspired me to do better. Just seeing the improvement has been a boost. And today Dr. Parker called and said that my Peak + 7 levels looked pretty good and it showed that I had ovulated. That is now three cycles of ovulation since last July. I never thought I'd say this, but "Yippee!" It's amazing what a bit of rest and "Holy Sex!" can do....just what the doctor ordered.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Make Me a Channel of Your Peace
My time in Steubenville was incredible (as it always is). Even though we weren't there for long, it was just great to see old friends. Because the FertilityCare Conference was in Weirton, WV, my friend and I stayed with the Franciscan Sisters, TOR in their mission house in downtown Steubenville. I had met several of them during my time working for the FUS Study Abroad Program in Gaming, Austria (where I met Dave) and it is always such a blessing to spend time with them. And to sleep in the same house as the Eucharist was awesome. Just to know that I could toddle down the stairs in my jammies to spend time with our Lord was amazing. To rise at o'dark thirty for morning prayer with the sisters was equally wonderful. And to have a holy hour in the presence of Our Lord...ah, I love some aspects of religious life! The Holy Spirit took that time to lead me to a beautiful scripture that has continued to inspire me.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:15
This really had been my focus through Lent. I had finally had enough with the sorrow and sadness. I just couldn't take it anymore and had told God, "Look, I'll carry this cross [of infertility] for as long as you want me to, but I'm sick of being sad about it. Please give me a spirit of joy." Now as I look back I can see how He was faithful in bringing this about in my spirit since then. In the midst of Lent, a season of penance, my heart was filled with joy (even in the midst of human sorrow at times)...but filled with true joy and peace in believing. This had been a long time coming. It was such a relief and welcome experience. And this scripture from the Holy Spirit was like a kiss on my head from God the Father. Thank you.
Equally inspiring was a conversation that I had with a wonderful Franciscan, TOR priest who used to be Dave's spiritual director at FUS. Even though I have only recently gotten to know him, he has been such a blessing to us. (He was actually the priest that blessed my engagement ring as we traveled to Steubenville the day after our engagement to share the news with our friends). Anyway, each time I've met with Fr he has spoken words of prophecy into our lives. It's really kind of crazy. This time, we met for coffee in the student center on campus (keep in mind this man is a Vice President at FUS and thus perhaps the first miracle was that he even had time to meet!). Anyway, we talked for awhile and he point-blank asked me, "so are you happy?" Wow, talk about a loaded question. I thought for awhile and then said "yes." I explained that while life was not easy, God was faithful and I was experiencing a joy in the midst of human sorrow that I didn't know could exist. He then reached into the pocket of his habit and pulled out a holy card. He said he didn't know what, but he felt that he needed to give this to me. It was a holy card of St. Francis with the Prayer of St. Francis on the back. He told me that Dave and I were to pray this prayer together and unite ourselves to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the intercession of St. Francis. Not really feeling an immediate draw to do this, I just smiled and said okay. But little did I know how much that holy card would change me. Even as the weekend went on, and before I was back home with Dave, I began praying the prayer. And when I saw praying, I mean PRAYING...not just reading. Really PRAYING and meditating on what the words say.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
My jaw dropped as the meaning in my life sunk in. Adoption and foster care. This was a call to adoption and foster care. Bringing love where there might have been hatred. Bringing forgiveness where an injury had occurred. Bringing faith where doubt and uncertainty resided. Bringing hope where one had despaired. Being a light in the darkness. Helping bring joy to a situation where sadness existed. As I moved to the next portion of the prayer, I felt the call grow stronger. In opening myself up to foster care and adoption, I would be seeking to console more than to be consoled myself. I would work to be understanding of another's situation more than hoping people would understand mine. I would put myself out there to love another being more than worrying about being loved in return. And certainly in giving of ourselves we would receive, we would learn to forgive and one would hope that through the experience we would grow into holier individuals and be born into eternal life. The meaning of the prayer that I had heard SO MANY times before, seemed to jump off of the prayer card and smack me in the face. I couldn't wait to get home to tell Dave.
Imagine my surprise then, when I got home Sunday and this same prayer just started popping up everywhere. My sponsored God-daughter in Columbia sent me a card with a picture of St. Francis and the prayer...in cleaning my office, I found two small stained glass windows with the prayer of St. Francis on them...and my devotion to the prayer just kept growing. By Monday morning, I found myself wishing aloud that I had some way that I could take the prayer with me because I wanted it nearby to pray throughout the day and felt it might be a bit strange carrying around a holy card in front me all day (d'ya think?). Imagine my utter shock when that very night, a friend of mine came up to me after Women of Grace and handed me a bracelet saying, "Here, I feel that I'm supposed to loan you this for the next month while I'm gone." Yes, you guessed it, it is the prayer of St. Francis on a Mobius bracelet. I couldn't believe it. I just looked up to heaven and wanted to say to God, "Okay, look, I get it. You can call off the hounds now!". :) But inside my heart was rejoicing. Whereas the thought of adoption and foster care and previously only filled me with angst and concern, there was now joy at the thought of either and I felt that God would sustain and honor us in this path.
But wait...there's more. That same day, Monday, March 15th, God provided us our first opportunity to see if we really had experienced a true conversion of heart and were ready to be channels of His peace. That morning, I received an email from a friend with the title "Are you ready for a baby yet?" I couldn't believe how fast Our Lord was working. It had been 72 hours since I had given my fiat (Luke 1:38), and opened my heart to the idea of adoption. And now here we were with a concrete offer. A young mother, wanting a Catholic/Christian family for her baby due in September...oh, and the nurse/mid-wife thought she had heard two heartbeats. Dave and I were ecstatic!!! A possible double blessing....twins!!! In the blink of an eye, our lives changed. We were on the phone with adoption lawyers, getting information about home studies, consulting with our accountant regarding the financial side, and verifying insurance coverage with our carrier. It was a whirlwind, and our hearts rejoiced! Oh....and the birthmother's name? Yeah...it is Francis. Go figure. :)
(stayed tuned for more tomorrow)
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:15
This really had been my focus through Lent. I had finally had enough with the sorrow and sadness. I just couldn't take it anymore and had told God, "Look, I'll carry this cross [of infertility] for as long as you want me to, but I'm sick of being sad about it. Please give me a spirit of joy." Now as I look back I can see how He was faithful in bringing this about in my spirit since then. In the midst of Lent, a season of penance, my heart was filled with joy (even in the midst of human sorrow at times)...but filled with true joy and peace in believing. This had been a long time coming. It was such a relief and welcome experience. And this scripture from the Holy Spirit was like a kiss on my head from God the Father. Thank you.
Equally inspiring was a conversation that I had with a wonderful Franciscan, TOR priest who used to be Dave's spiritual director at FUS. Even though I have only recently gotten to know him, he has been such a blessing to us. (He was actually the priest that blessed my engagement ring as we traveled to Steubenville the day after our engagement to share the news with our friends). Anyway, each time I've met with Fr he has spoken words of prophecy into our lives. It's really kind of crazy. This time, we met for coffee in the student center on campus (keep in mind this man is a Vice President at FUS and thus perhaps the first miracle was that he even had time to meet!). Anyway, we talked for awhile and he point-blank asked me, "so are you happy?" Wow, talk about a loaded question. I thought for awhile and then said "yes." I explained that while life was not easy, God was faithful and I was experiencing a joy in the midst of human sorrow that I didn't know could exist. He then reached into the pocket of his habit and pulled out a holy card. He said he didn't know what, but he felt that he needed to give this to me. It was a holy card of St. Francis with the Prayer of St. Francis on the back. He told me that Dave and I were to pray this prayer together and unite ourselves to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the intercession of St. Francis. Not really feeling an immediate draw to do this, I just smiled and said okay. But little did I know how much that holy card would change me. Even as the weekend went on, and before I was back home with Dave, I began praying the prayer. And when I saw praying, I mean PRAYING...not just reading. Really PRAYING and meditating on what the words say.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
My jaw dropped as the meaning in my life sunk in. Adoption and foster care. This was a call to adoption and foster care. Bringing love where there might have been hatred. Bringing forgiveness where an injury had occurred. Bringing faith where doubt and uncertainty resided. Bringing hope where one had despaired. Being a light in the darkness. Helping bring joy to a situation where sadness existed. As I moved to the next portion of the prayer, I felt the call grow stronger. In opening myself up to foster care and adoption, I would be seeking to console more than to be consoled myself. I would work to be understanding of another's situation more than hoping people would understand mine. I would put myself out there to love another being more than worrying about being loved in return. And certainly in giving of ourselves we would receive, we would learn to forgive and one would hope that through the experience we would grow into holier individuals and be born into eternal life. The meaning of the prayer that I had heard SO MANY times before, seemed to jump off of the prayer card and smack me in the face. I couldn't wait to get home to tell Dave.
Imagine my surprise then, when I got home Sunday and this same prayer just started popping up everywhere. My sponsored God-daughter in Columbia sent me a card with a picture of St. Francis and the prayer...in cleaning my office, I found two small stained glass windows with the prayer of St. Francis on them...and my devotion to the prayer just kept growing. By Monday morning, I found myself wishing aloud that I had some way that I could take the prayer with me because I wanted it nearby to pray throughout the day and felt it might be a bit strange carrying around a holy card in front me all day (d'ya think?). Imagine my utter shock when that very night, a friend of mine came up to me after Women of Grace and handed me a bracelet saying, "Here, I feel that I'm supposed to loan you this for the next month while I'm gone." Yes, you guessed it, it is the prayer of St. Francis on a Mobius bracelet. I couldn't believe it. I just looked up to heaven and wanted to say to God, "Okay, look, I get it. You can call off the hounds now!". :) But inside my heart was rejoicing. Whereas the thought of adoption and foster care and previously only filled me with angst and concern, there was now joy at the thought of either and I felt that God would sustain and honor us in this path.
But wait...there's more. That same day, Monday, March 15th, God provided us our first opportunity to see if we really had experienced a true conversion of heart and were ready to be channels of His peace. That morning, I received an email from a friend with the title "Are you ready for a baby yet?" I couldn't believe how fast Our Lord was working. It had been 72 hours since I had given my fiat (Luke 1:38), and opened my heart to the idea of adoption. And now here we were with a concrete offer. A young mother, wanting a Catholic/Christian family for her baby due in September...oh, and the nurse/mid-wife thought she had heard two heartbeats. Dave and I were ecstatic!!! A possible double blessing....twins!!! In the blink of an eye, our lives changed. We were on the phone with adoption lawyers, getting information about home studies, consulting with our accountant regarding the financial side, and verifying insurance coverage with our carrier. It was a whirlwind, and our hearts rejoiced! Oh....and the birthmother's name? Yeah...it is Francis. Go figure. :)
(stayed tuned for more tomorrow)
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