Affect of infertility upon men

Infertility support is often criticized for being heavily focused on the woman's journey. Most medical treatments are focused on the woman, most support groups focus on the woman, even scriptures usually speak to the infertility from the woman's perspective. How have you seen infertility affect your husband? (or if you are a man, how does it affect you?) Does your husband talk about it? How does he grieve? What are the hardest parts of your infertility for him? What type of support does he look for? What type of support would he like?

Thanks all!

Stages of Grieving

Thank you so much to those of you who have commented on the questions I have been posting. I really would love to have your thoughts as the journey through this valley of tears is not mine alone... I am blessed to have the opportunity to help others see through out eyes and I appreciate those of you who are helping me do that. Thank you!

Today's questions have to do with the five stages of grief. They are commonly identified as:
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

I'm not one to try and fit life into neat categories, but I think there is some truth to how we have seen these stages play out in our life. We have stayed in some stages awhile longer than others, while some we passed through rather quickly. While some individuals seem to want to push those going through infertility to "forget about it" and "move on" and get to Acceptance, we know that this is not possible and grieving and healing occurs differently at different times for each of us. How have you seen these stages of grief in your own journey? Where would you say you are at now? What has helped you to move forward? Has your spouse grieved differently? Have you found yourselves at two different stages (ie, one of you accepts and the other is still in anger)? If so, how have you handled this. Any other thoughts on the stages of grief associated with infertility?

Thanks for your thoughts!
Advent Blessings!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

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Walking on eggshells?

Today's questions revolve around how those with children can or should interact with those going through infertility. I often get asked from friends how they should act around their friends dealing with infertility. What can they share? What should they not say? Is it okay to talk about their kids? How can a mother share vital parts of her life and her identity with her friend suffering with infertility? To share might hurt the friend, but not to share, is to withold a large part of herself and in a way dimish the authenticity of the relationship. How can a someone be respectful of a person/couple going through infertility and yet not walk on eggshells, worrying that something they say might be hurtful? What have you found to be helpful in your own relationships? How have you found this balance with your friends?

Looking forward to hearing your comments and thoughts!

How can one support a friend with infertility?

Life continues on here. We are doing well, and keeping busy. The FertilityCare Center of Michiana continues to grow and thrive. So many people are hungry for FertilityCare, and to better know, understand and respect their fertility. It has been so richly rewarding to work with women and couples as a Creighton Model FertilityCare Practitioner. God is so good. He has allowed me to take my greatest pain and find ways to support and minister to others not in spite of my cross, but rather because of my cross.

In the next few weeks I am going to have two big opportunities to reach out to others sharing the same cross as us. On December 3rd, my husband and I will be speaking at "A Night of Hope for Those Touched by Infertility" held at St. Pius X Catholic Church in Granger, IN. The retreat runs from 7-9:30EST and we are looking forward to presenting our talk "In the Waiting". Then on Saturday, December 11th, I will present at a conference called "The Church and Infertility" in Harrisburg, PA. Together with Fr. Tad Pacholczyk and Dr. Mark Stegman we will look at the Church's teachings on Bioethics, In-Vitro Fertilization and Embryo Adoption, as well as how we can support those going through infertility. I have been asked to come share our personal story as well as to help others learn how they can support friends and family carrying this cross.

Please pray for me as I work to complete my talks. And this leads to my question today. I don't want this to be just be our (Dave's and mine) story. I feel that God has given me these opportunities to speak for all of us. To share with hundreds of people attending what it is like to experience infertility and how we can best support those going through infertility. Over the next few days I am going to post a question here on the blog and it would mean so much to me if you would give me your thoughts. Stay tuned, there will be more to follow....but for today:

How can one support a friend with infertility? (What are the BEST ways your friends, family, parish, priest, etc have supported you? What are some of the LEAST helpful things they have said/done?)

The Next Chapter

Well...the next chapter has begun.

My absence from the blog has not been due to depression about infertility, difficulty dealing with our childlessness nor from a lack of things I wish to write on. Nope...none of those.

Rather, I have just been plaid ol' busy. Super busy. There are so many things I wanted to write on, to share with you, but I just haven't had time. So this is my attempt to fill you in on the many many blessings we have experienced in the past months. I know I'll barely skim the surface.

I determined awhile back not to define myself by our infertility...not to get stuck "in the waiting", but vowed to go out and do something productive. To live my life for God, to offer Him all that I am, just as I am in this moment, to do with me what He wills. I believe with all of my heart that He has something very special planned for each of us that only we can accomplish. He has created us for this time and this season and this purpose to fill a specific role. Our job is to pray, be attentive and to respond in love and obedience when He calls.

Starting last September I began to see a picture forming of something God was calling me to do. I had no idea how that one day in September (see my blog post from that day) would change my life. But over the last year as I have continued to pray and discern, I realize that I have been put in a special place to help share with others the power, beauty and truth of Catholic sexual teaching. To teach women about their bodies, how they were created to function and how there are better ways of healing than many options most in the medical profession are giving us. To this end, I have worked over the last year with other medical professionals associated with the Creighton Model in founding a local affiliate of the FertilityCare Centers of America. It has been a ton of work, but the fruit is starting to come. Just this past Thursday (the Feast of St. Padre Pio), our Center received it's approval for affiliation with our national organization. That same day, we found out that an event we are sponsoring in November will be co-sponsored by both our Diocese and also the Notre Dame Fund to Protect Human Life. AND on that same day, we began discussions with adminstrators of our local hospital about the possiblities of bringing a NaPro OB/GYN practice in. Amazing things are happening and we continue to pray. (Check out our new website at www.fccmichiana.org. We're especially excited about the "Upcoming Events" page!)

Yes, I've been busy. Yes, I may be too busy. And yes, what I am doing still relates to infertility, but I no longer feel defined by my cross. Instead I am feeling that the suffering has a purpose. If we didn't go through this way of the cross, I wouldn't have the motivation to do what I am doing, and I wouldn't know first-hand what it feels like to be in this valley of tears. But now, I feel a freedom in living and I feel more "alive" than I've felt in a long long time. It feels good. This must be what Jesus means when He promises to take away our suffering and replace it with his peace that surpasses all understanding. I am thankful.

And so tomorrow, I start yet another new chapter as I head to Omaha, Nebraska to train as a FertilityCare Practitioner at the Pope Paul VI Institute for the Study of Human Reproduction. Soon I will be trained and certified to teach the Creighton Model FertilityCare System. I am excited to have the experience, and am looking forward to the learning, but know that the 10 days will be challenging not only intellectually but emotionally. In addition to learning things I've always wanted to learn such as embryology, and anatomy and physiology, we will also be studying the various types of abortion, how they are done, and the way they affect the baby and could possibly affect the mother (physically and emotionally). As if reading the procedures step by step and seeing the pictures isn't hard enough on most people, for those of us unable to have a child, I think there is an added layer of sadness and pain. Please keep me in your prayers as I begin these studies. That I will be diligent and centered...that this may all be for the glory of God!

I pray for you all regularly and thank you for the many prayers you offer up for our behalf.

St. Therese of Liseux, pray for us.

Let us hold unwaveringly....

Therefore, brothers, since through the blood of Jesus we have confidence of entrance into the sanctuary by the new and living way he opened for us through the veil, that is, his flesh, and since we have "a great priest over the house of God," let us approach with a sincere heart and in absolute trust, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water. Let us hold unwaveringly to our confession that gives us hope, for he who made the promise is trustworthy.

Hebrews 10:19-23