Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Stages of Grieving

Thank you so much to those of you who have commented on the questions I have been posting. I really would love to have your thoughts as the journey through this valley of tears is not mine alone... I am blessed to have the opportunity to help others see through out eyes and I appreciate those of you who are helping me do that. Thank you!

Today's questions have to do with the five stages of grief. They are commonly identified as:
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

I'm not one to try and fit life into neat categories, but I think there is some truth to how we have seen these stages play out in our life. We have stayed in some stages awhile longer than others, while some we passed through rather quickly. While some individuals seem to want to push those going through infertility to "forget about it" and "move on" and get to Acceptance, we know that this is not possible and grieving and healing occurs differently at different times for each of us. How have you seen these stages of grief in your own journey? Where would you say you are at now? What has helped you to move forward? Has your spouse grieved differently? Have you found yourselves at two different stages (ie, one of you accepts and the other is still in anger)? If so, how have you handled this. Any other thoughts on the stages of grief associated with infertility?

Thanks for your thoughts!
Advent Blessings!


  1. The thing to keep in mind about the stages of grief is that unfortunately, they're not linear, and they're not one and done. I can't apply it to infertility, but in my own experience these things can go round and round. But hopefully they all get back around to acceptance!

  2. Yes, I'd say I regularly cycled through these 5 stages parallel to my menstrual cycle.

    Seriously though, he micromanaged and I cried. That is, my husband buried himself in his work and extra activities while I lamented the fact that I was spending another day at an empty job instead of holding a baby in my arms.

    I don't think I ever actually reached Acceptance. I had moments of sincerely trying to surrender followed quickly by showing God my bartering skills. "If I surrender, then you'll give me a baby, right?" Yeah...lots of time in stages 1-4, but especially when I didn't know why I was infertile, I couldn't reach acceptance.

    That's my very brief thoughts for now. I'll let you know if I think of anything else that may be helpful.

  3. I also go though all the stages every month. If you talked to me right around my period I am super depressed and isolated. Around peak I am bargaining and angry... The most peace I experience is between peak and the start of my next cycle.... that is when I am normally most hopeful.... but it starts all over again... I like to blame it on all the different drugs and hormones I am on but I know that's not always true