Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Our story in the news

(the article that appears in Today's Catholic, the Respect Life Issue)

Hang on, possibilities exist
By Karen Clifford

Lisa Everett, left, co-director of the Office of Family Life, holds a picture of St. Hannah, patron saint of childless wives. Suzy Younger, who works with Hannah’s Tears, an organization that offers prayers and support for those suffering from infertility, holds the Chaplet of Hannah's Tears.

GRANGER — For St. Pius X parishioner Suzy Younger, the cross of infertility has been a lesson in self-surrender and relinquishing control to the divine providence of God. It was through the counsel of many priests and Catholic doctors that she and her husband David came to understand that “Right to Life” does not mean “that we have a right to a little life in ours,” she says. Instead of viewing the process of having a baby as an American “can-do” project, they have been encouraged to remember that conception is collaboration with God and the receptivity of a gift that is bestowed upon them at his appointed time.

Younger explains that the pain of infertility is very intense, and it can also be a very lonely journey.

“Many couples don’t want to share what they are going through and many have come to withhold their feelings due to hurtful comments that friends and family have made,” she notes. “As with any suffering it is so important to know that someone understands what you are going through, that someone cares, that someone else is there in the trenches with you.”

First, as a way to communicate with family and friends and later to act as a way to support others carrying the same cross, Younger developed a blog on the Internet called Hang On Possibilities Exist.

“I wanted to point people in the direction of the ‘true banquet,’ to support others as a Simon of Cyrene along their own way of the cross and to remind others suffering not to give up hope. We must always H.O.P.E. This means we must Hang On … Possibilities Exist,” she stresses.

Shortly before their marriage, Suzy and David learned the Creighton Model of Natural Family Planning (NFP). In the past three years they have been working with NaProTechnology doctors to address her health concerns, which came into focus when they experienced difficulty conceiving. Both NFP and NaPro-Technology are endorsed by the Pope Paul VI Institute.

Younger points out it is vital to recognize infertility is not the problem. “Infertility is rather the manifestation of some other underlying health problem or problems. Most reproductive technologies are aimed at resolving a couple’s childlessness, but they do nothing to address the underlying health problems causing a couple to be infertile.”

She adds, “Aside from moral concerns, treatments including in vitro fertilization (IVF) or Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer (GIFT) and others, while only possibly resulting in a live birth, do nothing to help heal the source of the problem — they are a Band-Aid approach, if you will.” NaProTechnology, on the other hand, treats the underlying problem in a moral way that cooperates with the menstrual and fertility cycles and in a way that is pro-life, pro-woman, pro-healing and which guards the sanctity of marriage.

“Whereas many forms of treatment undermine the meaning of the marital act and the intimate sexual self-giving that defines marriage, NaProTechnology maintains its focus on procreation, not production, and honors the exclusivity of the marriage covenant,” Suzy notes. “NaPro always assists the marital act instead of replacing the act altogether.”

NaProTechnology uses the Creighton Model biomarkers to monitor easily and objectively the occurrence of various hormonal events during the menstrual cycle.

NaPro tracking provides valid information that can be interpreted by a woman and by physicians who are specifically trained in this system.

In the Younger’s case, once the NaPro trained general practitioners reviewed her Creighton charts, Younger went through a series of blood tests and ultrasounds that confirmed a diagnosis of Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Younger then proceeded with treatment through changes in diet and lifestyle and supplemented this with specific vitamins and medications. After six months, she had seen some health improvements but still no conception, and made plans to surgically address the underlying issues.

In late July of this year, Younger underwent surgery with a NaPro trained OB/GYN in Columbus, Ohio. The final and most detailed portion of the four-hour surgery was the ovarian wedge resection. In the experience of the Pope Paul VI Institute, the pregnancy rate is nearly 70 percent following this procedure. Younger is now seven weeks post surgery, fully recovered, and has seen improvements in her health. She and David are hopeful that they will soon be among that 70 percent.

For other couples experiencing infertility Younger advises, “First and foremost, frequent the healing sacrament of reconciliation and receive the Eucharist as often as you are able. Only in this way will you be prepared to receive the grace necessary to continue on your own personal way of the cross. This is crucial.”

She adds, “When we unite our sufferings with those of Our Lord and look to Our Lady at the foot of the cross we have a beautiful example of how to have supernatural joy in the midst of human sorrow.”

Younger recommends an organization called Hannah’s Tears, www.hannahstears.org, which she has worked with for the past year. Hannah’s Tears offers prayer support and comfort to those who suffer the pains of infertility at any stage of life, difficult pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, the loss of a child and the adoption process.

Finally, Younger advises to love your spouse and have fun together. Suzy and David have fostered a love of cooking together and have begun taking ballroom-dancing lessons, both have been a reprieve from the focus on their infertility.

She concludes, “Love each other, serve each other, be patient with each other, worship together, pray together, and last but not least, don’t ever give up hope … remember to hang on … possibilities exist.”

Monday, September 28, 2009

Praise the Lord! - Insurance Matters almost settled

Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus!!!!!

As many of you knew, or could probably imagine, the medical bills started rolling in over the past few weeks. It never ceases to amaze me how many people want a piece of my medical pie. There are names listed on the claims of doctors I didn't even know existed...and yet here they are wanting cold hard cash from me. Lord have mercy.

Anyway, I finally bit the bullet today. I decided that today would be the day that I would sit down and sift through each individual claim, and figure out what we were going to owe total. According to the initial estimates by the insurance company, we would pay somewhere around $800, but as the bills have been pouring in, I have grown increasingly doubtful that this number would be accurate. We needed a financial miracle! So I started my morning off at mass, where the readings strengthened me with the knowledge that God would provide for us. Even though they refer to events of the Old Testament, I couldn't help but think that God was speaking to our situation too...

Even if this should seem impossible in the eyes of the remnant of this people, shall it in those days be impossible in my eyes also, says the LORD of hosts? Thus says the LORD of hosts: Lo, I will rescue my people from the land of the rising sun, and from the land of the setting sun. I will bring them back to dwell within Jerusalem. They shall be my people, and I will be their God, with faithfulness and justice. (Zechariah 8:6-8)

The way I heard this scripture translated into my life:
"Even if your medical bills are piling up and the solution seems impossible in your eyes (oh you of little faith), shall it even now be impossible for me also, says the Lord? Thus says the Lord...Suzy, listen, I will rescue you from the doctors and the hospitals. You are safe within my grasp. You are always my daughter and I am always your God, with faithfulness and justice. I am faithful in keeping my promises and will bring justice to this situation."

After mass, I knelt before the tabernacle for awhile and gave the entire situation to our Lord, asking Him to be my defender and to work all things out. I told Him it was far beyond my ability, but that I was trusting that He could accomplish all things. I then went home, prayed 7 Hail Marys to gird myself, and opened up my Claims History on our insurance company's website.

As I was looking at the claims, the total amount we owed that I kept getting was $7,191.92....quite a big difference from the $800 we had been verbally promised prior to surgery. I prayed for God to work the situation out and to give me wisdom into the situation. Then I noticed the one little perky column called "PPO Discount". Ah, thank God for the PPO Discount!!! Once I adjusted the spreadsheet to account for this, the numbers came into full focus and totaled....$867.00. Thank you Jesus! That was much more affordable.

So, of the $35,725.75 that the surgery cost in total (the previous amount I'd listed of around 31K was just the hospital's portion), we will only have to pay $867.00 As we had already put in a down payment to the hospital (at their request), we are left with a little over $500 left to pay.

Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus!

We still have at least one claim out there in cyberland, but it shouldn't be to bad. So after two months of holding our breath and sticking our heads in the sand to avoid looking at what our total amount would be, the Youngers have finally emerged and through the mercy and love of God are breathing again. Thank you to each and every one of you who prayed for us. We appreciate it so much!

All glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever. Amen!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

My spiritual children

For those going through infertility, there is a lot of talk about spiritual motherhood. If you're lucky, you have good friends that will remind you of the family God has given you and those souls he has allowed you to spiritually parent. It doesn't take away the pain of not having physical children, but it certainly does serve as a reminder that we are mothers and fathers to more than just the flesh of our flesh. God has an incredible way allowing us to minister to others even when we might not realize we are doing so. Think of your own life. Who have been the spiritual mothers or fathers in your life? Who has been a role model in the faith to you? Who has helped you out along your journey? Who has called you to greater holiness? For me, it's far easier to think of who my spiritual mothers and fathers are, and a bit more difficult to recognize those that I have spiritually mothered. But occasionally, one of them writes or calls to touch base and let me know how they are doing, and it is at those times, that I am really amazed at God's goodness in allowing me to be a spiritual mother to them and in the small role that I am privileged to play in their pursuit of holiness...and I begin to glimpse how big my spiritual family really is.

In the past few months, when I have struggled greatly with the lack of physical motherhood, God, in His love, has sent an influx of support from these spiritual children. I share their comments here not to toot my own horn in any way, but to simply share how lives were changed and brought closer to God just by me allowing Him to work through me to minister to them. It has nothing to do with me...everything to do with Him. (with the exception of the two students, who gave me permission to share their identity, names have been withheld)

A former student from the Franciscan University Gaming program who is now at St. John's Seminary preparing for the priesthood:
"A big thank you from one of your austria children, and lots of prayers being sent your way from out here at St. John's Seminary. Thanks for writing this blog!"

A former student from the Franciscan University Gaming program:
"I just wanted to say hello and tell you I am thinking of you. Also, thank you for your blog posts, for writing, for sharing...I don't have words to describe what I am thinking or feeling because maybe I don't quite know what I'm thinking or feeling, but I do want to say, thank you! Thank you for your witness, for your generosity in sharing your suffering with us, thank you for teaching us....Thank you for the example and gift of your spiritual motherhood inoffering up all of your sufferings as you await the gift of physical motherhood. This cross is winning you so many children.(I am happy and awed to be included. The Mystical Body of Christ is such a great and awesome mystery...) And so, thank you! Thank you for generously sharing the spiritual treasures you are gaining from all these sufferings.We are in such need of prayer, of your prayers. I don't know if these words are express my thoughts. (I feel as if Imyself need time to process the gift and example of what you areteaching). All I wanted to say was thank you. "

From a girl who was in a small Sciprture study I led during my year of grad school at IU:
"I wanted to say thank you. I recently graduated from Purdue (made it in 4 years- yay!), and so in the past few weeks I've been thinking about all that has happened during my years in college. Looking back, I can see that I changed a lot, and for the better. I have grown so much, and a big part of my transformation began with your friendship and our Lexia Novena group. When I met you I was struggling so much. I was so unhappy at IU. My faith (thanks be to God) was still alive, but it wasn't on fire. But God blessed me by sending me you and J, and it was during that time that I began to let go of the grip I had always had on controlling my own life. In reading the Bible for the group and through our conversations together, I began to feel like God was really present in my life, like he was speaking to me. It was a total act of faith that brought me to Purdue, even though I was accepted at Notre Dame, and my time at Purdue was the best 3 years of my life. I met so many wonderful people, and was able to do so many things that I never expected. I have been able to travel to 6 other countries just in the past year. The most recent, and most moving, happened just last month, when Father Patrick from St. Tom's selected me to travel to Bolivia with 5 other students for a mission trip. That experience was such an incredible blessing that changed my heart and opened my eyes to all I can do to be the face of Christ for others. It has inspired me to try to be an answer to someone's prayers each and every day and to do all things with love. So thank you, Suzy. Whether you realized it or not, God used you to bring me closer to Him, and I am so grateful. God bless!

And a recent article about my spiritual twins who have both received a call to religious vocations. I was blessed to get to know them while I was a grad student at IU. Since I was the one with the car, I was usually the driver out to the Mother of the Redemeer Farm and on road trips to Steubenville. They transfered to FUS after their freshman year at IU, and well...read the link below for the rest of the story.
http://www.labourefoundation.org/Aspirant_Sep09.pdf

God is so good! We may not have it all together, we certainly have our own struggles, and we might not feel strong enough to help others, but if we are willing, and offer ourselves to the service of God ("Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." Luke 1:39) it is amazing how he can transform the lives of others and transform us in the process. It is humbling.

One final thought and suggestion if I may...Who have been the spiritual mothers and fathers in your life? May I suggest that you send them a small note of thanks? Let's continue to encourage each other along our way to the heaven. :)

Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do.
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Friday, September 25, 2009

"Who do you say that I am?"

Today's Gospel reading (Luke 9:18-22) hit me right between the eyes. Jesus is praying in solitude and then asks his disciples "Who do the crowds say that I am?" To this question he receives a variety of responses...the crowds aren't sure. Some say John the Baptist; others, Elijah; still others think that he is one of the ancient prophets who has arisen. This strikes me because in our day, there is still a variety of responses to who Jesus is. Some say he is the son of God and Lord of their life; some, a good teacher; others, an inspirational historical figure. And to each of these labels, the "crowd" assigns varying levels of devotion and obedience...some willing to obey His teachings so long as they don't conflict with their own personal views or as long as it "feels good"; some automatically reject anything that is presented in His name; some select only those teachings that fit their worldview while discarding the rest; and other, are willing to sacrifice even their very lives if necessary to remain true to His commands. Yes, the "crowds" have just as many varying ideas of who Jesus is as they did when Jesus walked the earth.

And yet, in this scripture passage, Jesus asks a further question...“But who do you say that I am?”...and indeed He is asking each of us this question even now. Where are we on the spectrum of belief? How would we answer this question if He asked us individually? When we can no longer rely on the opinions of others and we must search deep within our souls to find the honest answer of our own heart, what would we way? Would we be able to say with Peter, “The Christ of God?” And if we do reach the same conclusion as St. Peter, do we truly behave that way in our daily living?

For me this is the place of the greatest "rub" if you will. I do believe that Jesus is the Christ of God. I love Him above all else. But how does this belief and declaration of His identity affect my daily life? In my own struggle along the journey of infertility, am I willing to let go of my will and embrace His for my life? Do I trust that He loves me? That He knows what is best for me? That He would never do anything to cause me pain if it were not for my ultimate good? Do I believe that He has me in His sights and I haven't fallen through the cracks? That he loves me and is not punishing me? These are difficult questions and I have to admit that at times I struggle to say "yes" to some of them. We are creatures who often trust only what we can see and tangibly experience, and this makes faith difficult at times. But each day, in the midst of our own struggles in life, Jesus comes to us with the patient heart of a lover, longing to bring us closer to Him. Longing to have us trust Him and soften to His touch. Yearning for us to allow Him to vanquish the doubts and the fears we have and instead replace them with joy, peace and certainty in our hearts.

In my own experience I grew closer to our Lord by posing the same question of Him that He poses to us. "Lord, who do you say that I am?" In October of 2004, I posed this question to the Lord shortly before leaving on a pilgrimage to Medjugorje. To answer it, I had to become naked before the Lord, to strip away everything that covered me, break down the walls I had built up around me and to unveil my face before His gaze. "God, who do you say that I am?" As I continued asking this quesiton, I realized that I was scared to be seen. I didn't want to be looked at. I was afraid for Christ to really "see" me (as if that would prevent Him from seeing me?). I didn't want his gaze in my soul, I would feel Him and I would resist. As He would try to get closer, I would build up a wall of protection. I recognized that I needed to be broken down, crushed down and re-centered on the wheel of the potter and taken back to square one. But the Holy Spirit is truly a gentleman and will never push His way into your life. He must be welcomed. And so during those days in Medj, I prayed that the layers would be peeled away like layers of an onion and that I would be truly open to the healing touch of the Lord. He was faithful in keeping His promise and in great love revealed to me exactly who He believes me to be. The answer came over the course of the pilgrimage and culminated with the words of the priest during confession. The answer was powerful, astounding and full of love. It proved to me beyond any shadow of a doubt that God truly knew me, knew my soul, my desires, my longings, my failures, my potential....and in spite of them, or perhaps because of them, He loved me more than I could ever imagine. He revealed to me who He said that I was...and in return my heart was able to give a bold reply to Him when he asked me, "Who do you say that I am?"

"Who do you say that I am?" No matter where we are in life, no matter what struggles we may be going through which would tempt us to turn from God, may we grow in faith and trust, joy and peace and may each of experience a greater knowledge of His love and mercy when we ask this of our Lord, and may each of us be able to say to Him in reply..."Lord, you are the Christ of God, the lover of my soul."

"My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does - that after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you should still doubt my goodness...Tell me all, My child, hide nothing from Me, because My loving Heart,
the Heart of your Best Friend, is listening to you."
~ Our Lord to St. Faustina Kowalska

Thursday, September 24, 2009

St. Padre Pio - "Pray, Hope and Don't Worry"

I had the wonderful privilege of being able to attend mass today at Franciscan University of Steubenville in Ohio. Having worked for the university's study abroad program in Austria for two years, it is always a bit like a homecoming for me to return to campus and attending mass at Christ the King Chapel is always a highlight of my visit. Today was even more special as we are celebrating the feast of St. Padre Pio.

I cried through the majority of the mass. It was just so beautiful to be around so many young Catholics on fire for the faith. When we lived in Austria, one of my favorite parts was hearing the students sing at mass, their voices were just so beautiful. Today was no different. Hearing them lift their voices in prayer made me feel so close to heaven...at the "Holy, Holy, Holy" it quite simply a foretaste of heaven for me. While Dave and I continually mourn the lack of physical children in our life, we are blessed to have numerous spiritual children, among them the approximately 800 FUS students that studied abroad during the time we worked together as Resident Directors for the Gaming program. Even though all of those students have graduated and moved on with their lives, being around such a large crowd of other FUS students was a beautiful reminder of the many lives that we were blessed to touch. In the middle of mass, I was given a small glimpse into what heaven must be like...being surrounded by those whose lives we have touched and who have touched our lives, all lifting our hearts and voices to constantly sing the praise of the Lord. It was simply beautiful. The homily was very meaningful to me as the priest reflected upon Padre Pio's life, his sufferings and the way in which he not only carried his cross, but grew from it. The priest started by describing the following comic strip (which I had seen several weeks ago in an email):













These images are so profound. They teach us that we need our crosses in order to reach heaven...that they are our path to holiness. The priest continued on with several reflections:
* Don't pray for a cross to meet your strength, pray for strength to meet your cross.
* Sometimes what we need to carry on is not a smaller cross, but rather an interior change..a change in attitude.
* There is nothing wrong with asking God to remove your suffering (Matthew 26:39), but some sufferings (like Padre Pio's stigmata proves) are not to be taken away. Instead, we must pray that we will learn to face them with love and joy.
* Looking at the life of Padre Pio, we see that the cross can form us (and not deform us) if we allow it to. Padre Pio learned compassion from his cross. He took the burden on himself and grew in compassion and grew more like Christ. He carried on his way of the cross with fidelity and joy and allowed it to shape him.
* As Padre Pio said, "The weight of the cross makes us stagger...the power of the cross gives us relief and joy."
* It takes empty hands to carry the cross. So empty your hands so that you can pick up your cross and follow Him.
* It is the power of the cross that is the provides us the gift and power of the Eucharist. Thus, the power of the cross is waiting for us at each mass. He is waiting for us to open our hearts and our mouths and to ask Him to give us Himself. When we say "Amen", we are saying "Give it to me. Let your power flow through me." We are weak and need His power and His strength...only through the power of the cross, and receiving this power in the Eucharist can we bear any burden with joy and allow it to lead us to eternal life.

It was an incredibly powerful homily for me and has provided me with much to pray about and meditate upon. So did the closing song of the mass. I've heard "Press On" numerous times before, but today more than ever before, it hit me in a new way. Through the intercession of St. Padre Pio, may we too have the grace and strength to press on as we continue to carry our crosses.

Press On
For the man who follows Jesus all the days of his life, who picks up his cross and walks with his God, a glorious inheritance awaits him at the end when he will see and know his true Father. And the pearl of great price is in his hand.

So as for me I will press on in running the race with my eyes fixed on Jesus, who inspires and perfects my faith. I will fight the good fight with all my heart and soul till the day that I'm with Jesus, the day I'm finally home, the day that I have won the crown.

He will approach the throne of this Father with Jesus at his side. The Father will rise and say, "Welcome home! You're a good and faithful servant come home and take your reward! The battle's done, come and take your rest. Stay with me forevermore!"

So as for me I will press on in running the race with my eyes fixed on Jesus, who inspires and perfects my faith. I will fight the good fight with all my heart and soul till the day that I'm with Jesus, the day I'm finally home, the day that I have won the crown.

And the heavens will resound with the thunder of praise. The angels and the saints will shout for joy. And the Father will dance for his son has come home, another warrior returns from the fight, another vict'ry for the Lamb of God.

So as for me I will press on in running the race with my eyes fixed on Jesus, who inspires and perfects my faith. I will fight the good fight with all my heart and soul till the day that I'm with Jesus, the day I'm finally home, the day that I have won the crown.

Text and Music: Robert Filoramo, (c) 1997, Koinania Academy Press.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

All for His glory

I drove to Buffalo, NY last night so that I could attend my friend's baby shower. She and her husband struggled with infertility for quite sometime and during the times they lived in South Bend, the two of us would get together to talk, listen, and drink Margaritas to commiserate. Their pregnancy is a beautiful miracle and I was so happy to be able to make the 7 hour drive to celebrate with them. It's the first baby shower I've been able to make in quite awhile and I was so thankful to have the emotional strength to go. Praise God for this little one, due in about 6 weeks.

Two of the most constant challenges I have with our journey through infertility are surrender and trust. Learning that instead of trying to get rid of this cross, I am better to surrender myself to the will of God the Father and trust Him and His plans. Sometimes I am tempted to feel abandoned...forgotten...overlooked by God and I ask "Why do we have to go through this?", but inevitably God sends me some little sign that He has not abandoned me, forgotten me or overlooked me. His consolation today came in the form of a prayer that my friend had on her dresser in her bedroom. I loved it so much I copied it into my journal and chose to share it here. I pray it will inspire you and encourage you as it has me.

God has created me to do Him some definite service.

He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another.

I have my mission: I may never know it in this life, but shall be told it in the next.

I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.

He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work.

Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away.

If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him.

If I am in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him.

If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him.

My sickness or perplexity, or sorrow may be some necessary causes of some great end, which is quite beyond us.

He does nothing in vain; He may prolong my life. he may shorten it; He knows what He is about.

He may take away my friends, he may throw me among strangers, he may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me -- still he knows what He is about.

~ John Cardinal Newman
Meditations and Devotions

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Bishop D'Arcy's Column in the paper

I got to read Bishop D'Arcy's column in our diocesan newspaper today (Today's Catholic), and it was a beautiful reflection on the Bioethics conference titled "The beauty of Catholic moral teaching in the area of sexuality." Imagine my surprise when I find myself mentioned in the article. The entire article is worth reading, but I have copied the part pertaining to me below. We are so blessed to have a faithful bishop who supports events like this to truly educate his flock on the beauty and power of the Church's teachings. Thank you Jesus for Bishop D'Arcy.

..."I had the good fortune at being at table with a woman from St. Pius X Parish, Granger, who came in with several others from that parish. She shared with us the cross and the pain she had experienced in her struggle to have a child and how moved she was, even to tears, that there were so many present, including outstanding scientists and pastoral leaders who understood the pain of not being able to have a child, and were working for people like herself in a way that is sound and moral, and according to the plan of God; and that treatment for her infertility through NaProTechnology was being pursued in a way that was moral and respectful of human dignity."

Additionally, I talked for a couple of hours today with a reporter from Today's Catholic. She interviewed me for an article regarding our journey which will be part of October's "Respect Life" issue. I really enjoyed talking with her and sharing our journey (there were tears in her eyes and mine at times) and am thankful that God is giving us this opportunity to share our journey in the hopes of helping others along theirs. It's amazing the doors and opportunities that are opening to us lately in regards to helping spread the beauty and truth of the Church's teaching regarding marriage and sexuality. We are so thankful for the opportunities.